Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Sleepless

 

Infidelity's wine staining sheets

that, once pure,

sheltered from sorrow

 

Now only sleepless sounds

echo across a betrayed heart

 

Comfort dealt deathly blow

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Pic, 20-30 words
bleeds no more by ~tuzluktakihayalet
http://tuzluktakihayalet.deviantart.com/art/bleeds-no-more-91193278

(didn't want to go with the obvious 'murder' look of this pic lol)

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • Isybou
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the poem alot. It was short and well not very sweet but it had a hint of villany (sp?) that lies beneath. Its not to open and it makes you think.

  • crimsondew silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Comfort dealt deathly blow
    This said it all....this line is packed with meaning...
    All the very best in the best in the contest dear



  • this will get a gold...how could it not..gees when you do write..you just penn out deep words to me heheL(

    Lov it



    Cind

  • Trew
    July 11
    Edit | Reply
    the last line gave me chills/ good luck

  • chiefmac
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to take the obvious road with infidelity to take a deathly blow. I think this could be where the infidelity is caught, rage invites a bottle of wine strewn over the tell tale stains on the sheets to tell the lover, this could be the end of the relationship, as the betrayed heart suffers. Great work, it carries the lifes of people to a separated end with tears in twenty-three words. Thanks for the read


  • Valley Girl Greeters member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! You have went beyond with this prompt! The imagery is so sad and so realistic! You have went beyond with this one! Best of luck! (hugs)


  • Allan Emery silver member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    You have a knack for making such beautiful drama. Great work.

  • wow auntie jacks this is such a dep and powrful take on the prompt. the way that you capture the picture is deep and dark and its just unique and amazingly written. well done

  • liduen silver member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, deep take on the prompt. This flows so well and takes the picture to the next level. Your words are magical. Good luck in the contest! (as if you needed it)


  • solo wisp gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    oh that dastardly comfort zone ... sigh.

    Gotta keep it fresh and interesting for some. Unfortunately, stains can be THAT fresh and interesting. bleh.

    Good show my Kiwi Queen ... A lot of emotion to gnaw on and some perky vocab to tantalize the brain cells.

  • Ooooh Amazing take on the prompt here. Something that I can surely sink into... Beautifully penned depth - a certain pain, that writes along. Very well penned!

  • "Now only sleepless sounds
    echo across a betrayed heart"

    i can totally relate. sad yet great write. good luck.

  • How I can relate to this one. Sad but beautiful words my friend. I wish you all the luck in the contest.. it's an awesome write on a not so awesome topic.

  • This is so sad but a great write. If the bottle of wine was not there I would be thinking that this person was attacked by the one that was cheated on. But that is just my crazy thoughts it does hurt when you are betrayed by the one that is to love you always goodluck in the contest much love


  • Rovingone gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    So sad. I always thought a beautiful woman and a glass of fine wine were both elements of sweet romance.

  • Your words breathe life into the picture--Best of luck int the contest!!


  • Amera gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful take on the picture, Sometimes wine just isn't strong enough in times like this. Bravo!


    Love,
    Amera♥

    • Thank you! Nope, it sure isn't... I've been there many times unfortunately!

  • Lucy.
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully unique take on the picture! Great use of limited words too. Well done.


  • Unsigned gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    ohhhhh yummy two of my favourite things....sex and wine, not normally in that order..lol


    Great write sis!

    Si
    XXX

  • ooohhh, this is awesome, love the pic and your words to accompany it
    wonderful write and good luck
    take care, stephanie


  • azlyn gold member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply

    WONDERFUL!

    You captured this pic so perfectly!!! Amazing you are Sis!!!

    Love~
    Az


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    Ooh thats dark and deep and it made me want to shiver here. Love, C


  • secberm
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Infidelity is for infidels! I'm no infidel. I have honor... I'm a heathen. Nice write sister. Good luck and wirte on. One.

    Dez

  • Aww hun what a sad write. This fits the picture perfectly. This is loaded with emotion and your words well chosen!
    All the best with this
    gaylene


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome direction to take it in. Everything can seem tainted when cheating hearts are at work. Superbly portrayed hunni. Good luck

  • Bob Fox
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    I wonder

    When infidelity comes into play do some tend to regret it or is the rush from the illicit sex just to much of a high. You got me thinking gal.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Nice job Jacks, strong metaphor and diction usage. This is gold material.


  • notorious gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    I smell a Gold winner like blood on my mouth...

    Wine belonging to infidelity...well, that's fantastic (the wording...not the meaning )

    "once pure"
    AHAHAHAHAHA, could mean soo many things.

    "sleepless sounds echo across"
    Ooh...Love this!!! 'echo' is a groovy word and "sleepless' sounds" is a wonderfully written phrase.

    "Comfort dealt deathly blow"
    Ouch...kick-ass ending that blows glass to smithereens...or, shards of glass. Whatever...anyways, love this and good luck (but I'll say...I smell a Gold, and you don't need my trivial luck!) =D

    • There's usually some wine involved in those situations! HAHA
      Well... from my vast experience with a serial cheater! lol

      Suddenly comfort is gone and the sleepless nights begin!

      Thanks hun!
  • Perfect! And you say your muse didn't arrive...hell she came prepared and is front and center. This is just awesome and I especially love...well the whole thing.....

    Well done and thank you for entering....good luck

  • notorious gold member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    Your muse will arrive like the sun will rise...
  • what ever you will do
    'will be amazeing
    simply beacuse
    you are amzeing

  • Angelflower gold member
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    Wow sis.. Lol.. Good luck!!!
1 - 40 of 40